About me:
Well, for one my name is Tim.I am from Houston, Texas. My best friends are Brittany and Talena. Click on their picture on the right to be wisked away to there pages. Well leave a comment and let me know what you
think! Remember to alway have fun, make friends, and find and advnture!!
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Recently:
Back In Houston
2007-11-23
Sioux Falls Update
2007-09-11
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
A Talk With Nathan
2006-03-06 -
12:17 p.m.
Last night was an interesting turn of events. I ended up going with Nathan to Isaac�s house. We of course we drinking a little but it turned out for the best. I think I had a little too much to drink because I sat there and Isaac ended up falling asleep on his bed. I took the time to sit down and talk to Nathan about all my thoughts and feelings. I told him how I really felt about everything, from my views on the relationship to what I felt I needed from him. In turn Nathan told me what he thought of everything and we both came to the conclusion that our relationship is kind of going no where because we are not focused on the same goals. We are not even aware of what each others goals on. All I know is this, Nathan is still unsure on weather or not he wants me to go with him wherever his travels may take him to. Last night I told him this � as tears swelled up because I was a bit emotional over this � �No matter what happens in the end of our time together. I will always love you but know this, I am going to fight to keep you, but I also understand that if it is truly something you feel you must do, then I am not going to stand in your way. I care enough for that if I need to I will let you go. Just know that it will not be without a fight though.� I just sat there for a couple of hours just pouring out everything that I have wanted to say for so long but could never find the courage. I expressed to Nathan how I knew before coming here that there was a chance that in the end we would go our separate ways, and no matter what, my time here as been well spent. I cannot now or ever look back on this time here as a something that was a waste of time. Being with Nathan has forced me to confront aspects of myself that I know I normally couldn�t do any other time. Honestly I feel deep down that my time here is running short but I am always keenly aware that all this time here is preparing for something bigger.
I know deep down that Nathan cares for me but when it comes to his life, I must give the ultimate respect to him as a person when and or if he decides that he needs to go his own way. I told that I felt I should wait for him like he has waited for me but I know that is foolish talk, for what if he meets someone else along the way, and more importantly I might pass up the person waiting for someone that may never return.
I mainly talked to Nathan about how I show how I feel towards things. I explained that when I am depressed and laying down and won�t talk, it is not that I don�t want to talk about it, it is just that sometimes the way he approaches me sometimes sends me further into a depression. I also explained that I wasn�t exactly sure how to approach him sometimes but I was trying and learning. I expressed to him that when I am lying down and it looks obvious that I am sad, that very well could mean I am crying on the inside and not showing it on the outside. I explained to Nathan that when I was like that and he got mad at me for not talking it hurt even worse because no matter how hard I screamed in my head, I could not bring myself to say anything when I am in that state. It is something I am working on but it is something that is not going to happen over night. At this point in the conversation Nathan felt the need to apologize and that he knew that by getting mad at me that way he sometimes does really does upset me and even though sometimes I do not like to talk about it, he knows it is there and just doesn�t know how to handle it.
Mainly last night was a night that Nathan and I just kind of kicked back let loose all of our feelings towards our relationship. I shared with him how I express my feelings for him. I explained that when he is trying to understand me he must look past the physical sense and try to talk to me through his emotions. There are times, I explained, that my aggression is just me trying to show him my level intimacy for him. I know his sex drive his not nearly has high as mine is, yet I explained that I have been patient this long and I am not about to run out of patients. I am a humble person and while I believe sex is a big part of the relationship, I also understand it is a two way street. I tried explaining that when we are together I let my emotions try to express how I am feeling through my actions.
During Nathan�s input into all this he mentioned Randi, Jacob, and Chucky all really don�t like me but it was nothing major. That they were mainly using me (as the new guy/ new roommate) as the scape goat to blame all there problems on as far as house cleaning goes. However he knows that lately I have been trying to a better job of cleaning around the common areas more so and he said I really shouldn�t worry to0 much about it. I really don�t care what they think. I rarely see any of the other people clean and as much as I try to keep everything clean, Chucky is an alcoholic and there is always a party going on at some point in time and it takes me an hour to clean the house decently and ten minutes for them to fuck it up. If they are tried of looking at all that crap, they need to learn how to clean up after themselves and their guests, which I try to make it a point to. Even if I do not take out the trash and last I do not leave it lying around, I make sure it goes in the trash can. Let�s not mention when Chucky and Dustin get drunk. I cleaned the house that day and by the next morning it look likes a taz minion devil spun it self throughout the entire house, tables over turned, DVDS everywhere and they want to try to place that on me? I think Brittany needs to come down and show them just what dumb asses they are.
I really can�t explain everything here that we talked about last night mainly because it was a lot of topics we covered. It is definitely something that needed to happen, and while it absolutely breaks my heart (and brings tears to my eyes every time) to hear Nathan talking about us breaking up and going our own separate ways, it is something that I understand and know that Nathan has his and my best interest at heart. Whatever may happen though, I told Nathan that I will look back on this time as memories of happiness. Nothing will ever change the way I feel about Nathan, and while we may go our own separate ways eventually, we have made a promise to each other to always remain friends.
Tim
