About me:
Well, for one my name is Tim.I am from Houston, Texas. My best friends are Brittany and Talena. Click on their picture on the right to be wisked away to there pages. Well leave a comment and let me know what you
think! Remember to alway have fun, make friends, and find and advnture!!
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Recently:
Back In Houston
2007-11-23
Sioux Falls Update
2007-09-11
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
brittany - 2005-09-10 18:19:01
I love you! *muah* *hugs*
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Just Me Babbling
2005-09-06 -
9:35 a.m.
This weekend I went to Tucson, AZ for a wedding. I went with my ex and now my friend. We talked about a lot (sometimes I thought he wouldn�t shut up). We did stuff and feel guilty about it. Matt told me he cried himself to sleep. I still have yet to ask him why. I think I really should. He said what we did went against his core beliefs about having friends with benefits. We talked some more about what happened and came to determine that we shall remain friends. The letter I wrote him was my way of shutting down all emotions I had for him. I see him as a very close friend now.
He did decide to give Sal a second chance. I am happy for him. Yet what no one really knows is those emotions are now holding my other self at bay. Sometimes I find myself just sitting there looking at the picture of him I have, without knowing why. Matt has as a serious impact on me. I know Brittany understands this and is letting me deal with it on my own, but I do not think I can. My emotions aren�t nearly has powerful as they were Friday night when I was using pure force of personal power, and physical power to keep everything at bay.
I learned over the course of this weekend that the attacks I have come under aren�t really attacks but my other self. The powerful side of me that I fear is so dangerous. Matt�s best friend told me that it is only dangerous if I chose it to be. Yet I fear now for what it is. Each time it tries to come forward I hold it back. My defenses hold it in. I asked what it was and no one knows. Is it that well hidden and chained down that no one not even Matt or Kandis knows what it is? Why do I fear my own power so much? I know in the eyes of Matt and Kandis that the things I do are but small feats in their eyes. Yet I know I am capable of such power. It is destructive, I know this much. It is also prophetic. What people know is that I received a prophecy about someone cheating. It had to do with me and I was with Matt at the time, no one knows yet is that that prophecy was for me. It was warning me about the impending break up with Matt and me. Sure enough three days later, Carl came into my life and the prophecy came to pass but it was not Matt.
~sigh~ I do not know where this journal entry is going really. I am just rambling on. Trying to focus my thoughts and emotions. Matt is a dear friend of mine and nothing more now. I made sure of that with the letter I wrote I him. Now I must get to know this other side of me better and try to bring it forth to and finally come to accept my true power. The power I have kept locked up all these years. For better or for worse I must bring this forward and show the world that I can overcome anything. I am scared that these may be my last days as the person I am but I have come to accept the sacrifices I am about to make here and now. Let us all pray for the best�
Tim
