About me:
Well, for one my name is Tim.I am from Houston, Texas. My best friends are Brittany and Talena. Click on their picture on the right to be wisked away to there pages. Well leave a comment and let me know what you
think! Remember to alway have fun, make friends, and find and advnture!!
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Recently:
Back In Houston
2007-11-23
Sioux Falls Update
2007-09-11
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
A Damn Good Update.
2006-04-27 -
3:29 a.m.
I am greatly disappoint in myself. I was looking forward to hanging out with this guy tonight but it turned out to be a bad night. I didn�t even get to see. I guess I am just tired of getting my hopes up lately just to be let down. Eh, I guess I will get over it. Life goes on. It is a sad world we live in sometimes but like my best friend Brittany has told me time and time again that I effect the lives of the people I know in a positive way, and through that I touch them in a way most people can never accomplish. Every where I go I make friends. I guess there is a positive to everything. I just need to stop being down so much and be happy more. I just wish some people would just leave me alone on some issues.
Here is a conversation with David that I thought I would share. I truly opened up and expressed my feelings. BE WARNED BRITTANY IT IS A NUKE!
David: hey I am soooooo sorry
Tim: It is okay
David: man it turned out to be a bad night
Tim: No hard feelings. But I won't be able to borrow the car again for a while. I can only use it like once very few weeks
David: it's okay, I'll come pick you up next time
David: I owe you
Tim: we can still hang out
Tim: I just can�t use the car.
Tim: I am done with getting my hopes up.
Tim: I was just looking forward to meeting you and getting to know you. I am disappointed but I will get over it.
David: I know it's hard to believe people's excuses, but after the car issue things went down hill with my friends
David: and I got stuck in the middle of it as a mediator
Tim: I believe your excuses you have given me no reason not to believe you.
David: and now one of my best friends is pissed off at me for defending his roommate
Tim: There is always another day.
Tim: I am still here
Tim: ?
Tim: Well I am going to write a journal entry I will be here if you want to chat.
David: I'm back, had to jump in the shower to get the construction due off of me
Tim: k. Sorry I am not in the best of mood. I don't know why I feel like crying right now...
Tim: I don't even know why I have been so depressed lately. I guess writing this journal entry I will find out.
David: I would say don't cry, but I know how you feel... moods like that come and go though, and you'll be happy again in no time if something's bothering you, just let it out
David: writing in a journal help
Tim: I used to do that a lot
Tim: I don't shed tears anymore unless I am extremely emotionally overwhelmed
Tim: so I feel I am always on the brink of tears but nothing ever comes...
David: *hugs* just try to find out what it is and then just let it go
Tim: I can't she lives with me
Tim: Or I live with her however you want to look at it
David: your stepmother I assume?
Tim: The main issue is I just want to be left alone on certain issues. I am trying to find my place in life and it isn't going to happen in day.
Tim: The feel that the only person I should have to answer to is myself. That is who I have always answered to and when people who I don't want to question that intrude on it makes me upset.
David: ahh, I remember how that was when I lived at home
Tim: It is different.
Tim: There are certain people I do not feel that way towards
Tim: I am not talking about simple matters here. I am talking about moral and principal issues.
David: anything specific
Tim: Not really. I just feel my views and beliefs are completely different than my entire family.
Tim: and when things come up and I feel differently towards and issue than they do I never say anything and just go along with it
Tim: but silently I am completely miserable.
Tim: mainly because if I do say anything it just falls on deaf ears.
Tim: the other problem I am having is that three years ago I vowed never to return home and yet here I am. I am still trying to determine how I feel about that.
David: I'm sorry you just need to find a crowd that's more like you to spend time with
Tim: I did find a crowd but they are slowly being taken away from me.
Tim: You�re the first one I have found that has come close to what I once had as friends.
Tim: My best friend Talena tries but every time I go over to her house I land her in trouble with her husband and it is tearing me a part inside.
Tim: She doesn't care but I do. Deeply.
David: yikes, why does that happen?
Tim: Her husband hates me
Tim: He is the type of person that likes to think that he is not the one that is a back stabber and not two faced but everyone else is.
Tim: He is spoiled and lazy and when I do stuff around the house like the dishes that have been sitting there for a week he gets mad. Or when talena asks him to do something he ignores her and when she asks me I am already moving before she even finishes asking.
David:
Tim: He hates that more than anything else in the world
Tim: he hates it when I get talena motivate enough to clean the room
Tim: He hates it when I stayed up all night with the baby so they didn't have to wake up to feed him and change him.
Tim: Talena loves it when I do that especially when it is her turn. But always tells me not to do it when it is his turn.
Tim: She apologizes constantly for her husband being such a dick to me all the time
Tim: I am just a caring person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. It gets broken but I am happy with it there.
David: people who do good things are often criticized by those who don't know how to do good things
David: you just have to know that there are people who appreciate it and they are the ones that matter
Tim: My best friend Brittany, yeah we talk but in the five years we have known each other I can count on one hand all the time we have hung out in person
Tim: My best friend Derek we email each other online and talk and stuff but he is deployed on the cole.
Tim: It just feels sometimes I am truly alone in the world. I have always had them close by to talk to an open up to but now I don't and it hurts more deeply than I can ever tell them.
Tim: They are my family.
David: at least you know they love you
Tim: They are the only people I have had through some of the toughest times in my life.
Tim: without them I wouldn't be who I am today. Now that I don't have that base I don't know who I am.
Tim: I know they love me but how can I tell them the pain I go through day after day?
Tim: I think Finding Myself by Smile Empty Soul says it best
David: the question is, are you happy with who you are?
Tim: "And I thought that I found myself today and I thought I had control. All the change in my life just fell away. For a moment I thought I didn't need you."
Tim: Well thanks for letting me open up like that. You didn't need to do that.
David: I'm here if you ever need to talk
David: I don't mind at all
