About me:
Well, for one my name is Tim.I am from Houston, Texas. My best friends are Brittany and Talena. Click on their picture on the right to be wisked away to there pages. Well leave a comment and let me know what you
think! Remember to alway have fun, make friends, and find and advnture!!
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Recently:
Back In Houston
2007-11-23
Sioux Falls Update
2007-09-11
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
Starting LIfe over
2007-05-27
So Many Things to Say, Where do I begin?
2005-02-02 -
10:51 p.m.
Another thing that made me mad was the fact she thinks everything I say or do is a game. How can it be a game? I do not understand that concept. How does she expect me to explain anything if all she thinks is, "oh great here comes another game..." Somethings I do not understand about her but that is okay because there is still plenty she does not understand about me. As far as me loving NOT loving her that is striaght up bullshit. I may not say it but I feel I should not have to say it, it should be an understanding that it is there. I dunno and personally I do not feel like confronting the issue at this point in time but then again I can not leave this alone she won't allow it.
Brittany if you are reading this know this I came very close last night to just ending it all. You have no idea. I never thought I could be so mad. I came to the point where I made the descion that I wasn't going to waste 5 years of friendship over something as simple as this. There are always going to be things I will not tell you. Things I will keep from you for my own reasons no matter how small they may be. You must understand that I have my reasons and I wish most importantly that you understand that and accept it even if you do not like it. I may do it for your protection or I may do it to see you futher your chacater development. As like I do for all my other freinds. I care for each one just the same and only wish they all understood that I am different and I will do things if I judge them right. Just know that I have my reasons for what I do. "Completely ass backwards" is what ryan calls me and for good reaons. I do not think like normal people most of the time. I do things for reasons of my own. I have gone my entire life without explaining myself to anyone. It will take time, or may never change. It is a part of who I am, and my always be. I do expect you to voice your opinion and wish you would take things more at face value if I do not offer a reasons right away. Just know that I believe that whatever I do in regards to saying, "you will know eventually" is for reasons I believe are right. It is what drives me day in and day out. *sigh* I do not know how to explain it any better. Just know that my primary reason for everything is to see people grow and become a better person. Once you learn to accept and understand this you unlock the door to understanding me alot more than other people who do not try. Most imporatntly above all else, know that I will always be here no matter what may happen in the future. You are someone I can talk to about things that are bothering me deep down. I just have not had the real time to sit down and talk about them because I have been more concerned with things that are effecting you a great deal more than what is bothering me. I am here Brittany, just talk to me, even if it may be for five, ten minutes at a time, it sure does beat no time at all. I do worry about you more than anyone else and at this point in time; I can think of nothing else.
My friend Golden is beginning to concern me. He honestly thinks some people in the class should not be here. They act like they are still in high school. I understand this because I know these people and they do not know anything else. Everything that drives them is based on rumors and gossip. Some people never learn how to grow up because they were never taught. Ever since my break with not talking with brittany golden and I have become closer. He tells me things he normally wouldn't tell other people. He once told me he was involved in a gang, and at one point in time watched two of his freinds die in a shoot out with a rival gang (bloods vs crips). Yea I was deveasted why people do these things still baffles me. Golden sits in class constantly contemplating how people like the ones he hates here in class get so far and yet are so stupid. I honestly don't know, but has is isolation grows my concern for him grows even more. He is a nice guy and just needs to understand the world is full of people he will never understand. I am going to confront him on this issue and try to get him to talk about it. Another thing that has been bothering me is the fact of my lack of personal power is wanning in some areas. I have come to discover it is because I have lost sight of who I really am. My power is coming back as I slowly progress to someone I want to be and as my power recedes from areas I come to understand that I can no longer hold onto those aspects. I must make amends and move on and restore order to the parts I still believe I need to defend. Some part of the old me must still live on so I may never forget what has brought me to this point. This is what bothers me the most at this time. I must understand that if I chose to hold on and defends these parts I must chose to keep the chains of my past locked. I have the key to free myself entirely but do I have the courage, willpower, and strength to finally let go? My past has brought me here, and I think that it is finally time I chose here and now what must go on. The navy has opened up many doors and now I stand at a cross roads, which path do I take?
So many things going on right now and deadlines looming before me, I do not have time for a time out to sit and think about it all. I must find the time inbetween time to think about this all. Maybe that is why I am so distracted as of late...
Tim
